That is the nbr 1 lesson learned during my excruciating divorce : not setting enough boundaries has been my major responsibility.
I have been too kind, too committed, too supportive, too much willing to keep harmony everywhere (and snapping from frustration and sadness from time to time because this was - of course - never reachable).
Not setting clear boundaries has been the root of so much pain in my life and it comes a long way from a traumatic childhood. As I said, I am born angry for social injustice for under-priviledged. I raised my voice more than once on this. But when it was coming to me and how I have let people take advantage of me, it has been very different. What a paradox !
I have now learned to navigate better my own inner geography. Fine.
Do these lessons apply collectively ?
At the level of a country, boundaries become borders. Do not enter here unless you can present the right document to the Authorities. Because, yes, Humans seem to be unable to live together at peace, borders are needed.
At the level of an individual, do not cross my borders, do not disrespect my boundaries as I am the Authority able to distinguish what is healthy, warm and welcomed in the infinite land of my finite life.
For a tiny mini-me, the metaphor works really well and I know this is an important step in anyone’s growth. Nothing new here, right ? Sometimes it gets shaky of course, but there are so much positive outcomes in the setting boundaries journey (with all respect to all those who are not welcome anymore to pollute me).
It is peace making, for sure. But when it comes to millions of people, the truth is that we don’t get along. Even with stuff like Laws, Ethics, Democracy, it doesn’t work.
So I wondered if "living together" could be a myth - just like forever marriages.
Or is it a real need we have ? And if we need a peaceful living together, why do we fail so much in creating it collectively ?
What if tomorrow we start to teach respect of boundaries / respect of borders / self-esteem and autonomous thinking to our kids ? They then may make this dreamof a peaceful social life come true, don’t you think ?
I continue to dig with my headlamp in the maze of "peace making". Lots of work on this.
